Why We Love and Hate Carrie Bradshaw

I've recently stumbled into entire pages on TikTok dedicated to one thing: hating Carrie Bradshaw.

Not Sex and the City. Not the fashion. Not even the infamous Post-it breakup. Just Carrie.

The videos consist of someone stitching together a montage of her worst moments, calling her selfish, emotionally immature, a terrible friend, or the villain of her own story. And hey, I wholeheartedly agree with the terrible friend part. But the rest is a bit more complicated.

After falling down that rabbit hole for longer than I'd like to admit, I realized something interesting. Carrie Bradshaw has become less of a television character and more of a cultural personality test.

Whether you agree with them or not, these are the five criticisms that seem to define the internet's case against Carrie Bradshaw.

1. She Wasn't Always a Good Friend

This is probably the criticism I see most often online, and honestly, I get it.

When I first watched Sex and the City in my twenties, I was focused almost entirely on Carrie's love life. Rewatching it in my thirties, I found myself paying much more attention to the friendships. There are so many moments where Miranda, Charlotte, or Samantha are trying to share something important, only for the conversation to circle back to Big. It's hard not to notice once you start looking for it.

I think Miranda, especially, gave Carrie far more grace than Carrie always gave her.

My POV: I actually agree with this criticism. Carrie isn't the kind of friend I aspire to be, and I think that's one area where the show has aged differently. As I've gotten older, I've realized that romantic relationships come and go, but your friendships are often the people carrying you through every version of yourself. I wish Carrie valued that a little more.

2. She Couldn't Let Go of Mr. Big

If you've spent any time on TikTok lately, you've probably seen someone asking the same question: Why didn't she just leave him alone?

Watching the show today, it's easy to spot every red flag. Big was inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, and rarely gave Carrie the reassurance she was looking for. Modern audiences tend to have much less patience for relationships like that than viewers did in the late '90s.

My POV: This is where I stop judging Carrie and start understanding her. I don't think she was in love with the version of Big that actually existed. I think she was in love with the version she believed he could become. That's a mistake I understand far more than I'd like to admit. Looking back at my own twenties, I wasn't Carrie in every sense, but I certainly knew what it felt like to hold onto someone's potential long after they had shown me their reality. This is the part I feel is most relatable to people.

3. She Rarely Took Responsibility for Her Own Choices

One of the most talked-about storylines in the series is Carrie's financial situation. She spends years buying designer shoes, finds herself unable to afford her apartment, and then becomes frustrated when Charlotte doesn't immediately offer financial help.

For many viewers, it's the perfect example of Carrie expecting other people to soften the consequences of her own decisions.

My POV: I definitely understand why this storyline frustrates people. At the same time, I think it reveals something that's true of Carrie throughout the series. She often reacts emotionally before she reflects logically. While I don't agree with how she handled the situation, I also think we've all had moments where embarrassment made us defensive. Thankfully, most of ours weren't written into a television show.

4. She Hurt People Who Didn't Deserve It

It's impossible to talk about Carrie without talking about the affair with Big.

She cheated on Aidan, someone who genuinely loved her, and participated in hurting Natasha, who had done nothing wrong. Even fans who love Carrie often admit this is the hardest part of her story to defend.

My POV: I don't think there's much to defend here. It was wrong, and the show doesn't really ask us to believe otherwise. What I do appreciate is that the series allowed its main character to make a truly ugly decision without pretending she was still the hero in that moment. It reminds us that being the main character in your own story doesn't automatically make you the good guy.

5. She Never Seemed to Learn

Maybe the biggest criticism of all is that Carrie kept making the same mistakes.

She would recognize unhealthy patterns, promise herself things would be different, and then somehow end up right back where she started. Watching someone repeat the same cycle over and over can be frustrating, especially when the audience can see exactly what's happening.

My POV: I think this criticism says as much about us as it does about Carrie. We expect fictional characters to learn their lesson after one heartbreak because it's satisfying to watch. Real people rarely work that way. Growth isn't usually one big realization. It's making the same mistake a little less often until one day you realize you've stopped making it altogether. Carrie was messy. She was frustrating. But she was also, in that way, incredibly human.

After reading countless comments and watching what felt like an endless stream of TikToks tearing Carrie apart, I realized I agreed with more of them than I expected.

She could be selfish.

She wasn't always a good friend.

She made some truly terrible decisions.

And yet, I don't hate her.

I think that's because the version of Carrie I remember most isn't the one asking Charlotte for money or making every conversation about Big. It's the woman who kept believing that if she loved someone enough, they'd eventually choose her.

I know what that feels like.

I think a lot of us do.

Maybe that's why Carrie Bradshaw has remained one of television's most debated characters for nearly thirty years. We criticize her because we can see every mistake she makes. But somewhere beneath that criticism is the uncomfortable realization that many of us have made a few of those same mistakes ourselves.

Maybe we weren't Carrie in every chapter of our lives.

But I think most of us have been Carrie (or close) at least once.

Why We Love and Hate Carrie Bradshaw